anxiety

Our Ego

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Understanding our ego with Michelle A. HardwickUnderstanding Our Ego

In many spiritual traditions our ego is seen as the false self. It’s the mask we wear in certain situations with particular people (or groups of people); or the role we ‘play’ in our lives. It is an illusion, a mirage. Often we get caught in this false, made-up ‘self-image.’ However as we peel back the layers of who we are not, we no longer need to play ‘roles’ in our lives. Instead we begin to become our real, authentic selves – who we truly are.

Lower Mind

Our ego is connected to our lower rather than our higher mind. It is our head not our heart. Esoteric Science states:

“It keeps us on autopilot; it keeps us half asleep and most of its programs (our beliefs, strategies, thought patterns, emotional reactions and automated behaviours) were initially programmed when we were very young, so many of our reactions to life are immature and inappropriate. Some of our programs were updated and re-written as we became older and more experienced, but the deeper ones were created by and created from a very young, naive, immature and inexperienced consciousness. These old patterns are responsible for most of the unnecessary suffering in our lives, but our fear of venturing into the depths of our being allows our immature core (inner child) to endure and our unnecessary suffering to continue.”

I agree.
Let’s explore some of these statements:

Understanding our ego with Michelle A. HardwickAutopilot

It “keeps us on autopilot; half asleep” – most of our self-sabotaging behaviour (known in EFT as a Psychological Reversal) stems from our ego. It does not want to move out of it’s comfort zone – even though it can be painful to remain there. Our ego resists, hates change and will fight to keep the status quo. If there is any way our ego can halt our Soul from making changes, evolving or progressing, it will. Our ego will continue to do things as it has always done, it gets what it wants by doing it that way. The ego does not want to take responsibility for itself nor have us take command of our lives, it’s too scary to change.

Reactions to Life

“Many of our immature and inappropriate ‘reactions’ in life” are from our ego. A lot of our reactions are similar to those of a small child. I’m sure you’ve witnessed this, where the ego becomes furious, shouts, cries, lies, attempts to cover up and/or defend itself. Yet the difference between adults and small children is that children are simply be-ing in the moment. As soon as the moment has passed, their attention is diverted, the reaction is forgotten and their focus is on something else. Yet adults can stew over an event, become bitter, resentful, feel justified in their behaviour, doggedly resistant to giving any apology for a reaction.

Updating Programmes

“Some of our programs were updated and re-written as we became older” – absolutely.  Programmes that no longer serve us become extinct as we add new truths or understandings. Think for a moment of the concept of the Easter Bunny or Father Christmas. We believed them as children, and now we don’t. Any outdated belief can be changed if we are ready to change and take responsibility.

Deeper Beliefs

The “deeper ones”/beliefs are often connected with emotions or feelings that are reinforced over time. Our ego collects ‘proof’ about them. It fabricates why we need them or why we can’t (or won’t) change them. We need to excavate a little deeper within the subconscious to discover the roots of these beliefs and their secondary gains either with EFT and Hypnotherapy. Often there can be nervousness around “venturing into the depths of our being” and becoming aware of our ego – for fear of what we might uncover. But nothing bad will surface only our judgement of ourselves. Our ego is not who we truly are, it’s not our truth…we are so much more than our ego. So much bigger, more amazing and more powerful than our ego would allow or have us believe. What we discover is our real self. It’s a very empowering process.

Suffering

Those with a healthy egos endure a lot of “unnecessary suffering”. Their thinking is usually that they are ‘right’ and the other person is ‘wrong’. The ego needs to be in control and so it tries to get power from the other person in order to feel powerful. At the core of our ego is insecurity, anxiety and fear. But when we are balanced, centered and calm we respond to situations and are in command of our thoughts, feelings and emotions. We don’t suffer as much. Life becomes easier.

Becoming Aware

We can identify our ego by following the trail of reactions in our lives. Understanding our ego with Michelle A. Hardwick

Remember a time when you exploded over something that another person felt was seemingly small and insignificant. Reflect on that event. Check to see whether your reaction was a bit too “over the top” for what occurred.  Instead of blaming the other person and/or the drama, think why your ego reacted. What was the belief that caused the explosion? Ask yourself honestly does that belief still serve you? Is it outdated? Here are a few ways our ego shows itself:

  • it takes things personally,
  • feels attacked wants revenge,
  • won’t/can’t forgive,
  • can’t sleep and becomes unwell,
  • remains a victim, renders itself powerless,
  • overthinks, becomes self-obsessed,
  • judges the other person/people and their behaviour.

Einstein wrote:

“The more the Knowledge
Lesser the Ego

Lesser the Knowledge
More the Ego”

Michelle A. HardwickContact Me

Are you ready to break free from the limitations of your ego? If you are, then contact me by email or by phone:
Ireland – 0871492338 or in the UK – 07857369619. Alternatively contact me by email.
If you’d like to explore more – I offer Skype and Zoom consultations, all from the comfort of your own home.

Consultations are also available in Cork City at the Natural Clinic.
Book a consultation at the Natural clinic, here or call Reception on (00353) 21 4311977

Begin your journey of self-discovery and reconnect to your powerful, real, true, authentic Self now!

Anxiety Panic Attacks & Fear

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Anxiety, Panic Attacks & Fear

Anxiety, panic attacks and fearAnxiety, panic attacks and fear can be frightening and debilitating. They occur for a variety of reasons, but one thing they share in common is that anxiety, panic attacks and fear have a root cause that is hidden in our past.

It’s disturbing that the number of people suffering from anxiety, panic attacks and fear is increasing as this article in the Daily Telegraph reports.  And according to this article by St. Patricks Mental Health Services it is estimated that “1 in 9 individuals will suffer a primary anxiety disorder over their lifetime.”

Anxiety quote: “Your mind is your prison when you focus on your fear.”

To become free from anxiety, fear and panic attacks we must gently uncover what is behind the fear and determine the root cause. There are some powerful tools that can help do this e.g. Regression, Neurolinguistic Programming (NLP) and the Emotional Freedom Techniques also known as EFT or Tapping. Read more about successful research studies completed using EFT here.

Freedom

By releasing the trauma from our past, fear can be replaced with confidence; anxiety can be replaced with self-belief. Through regular practice of self-hypnosis, relaxation and/or guided meditation our feelings of self-worth and confidence increase. We strengthen our ability to cope. We gain a sense of balance, self-belief and reason for being and reconnect to ourselves. The time it takes for this process depends a lot on what occurred and what we discover about your anxiety, panic attacks and fear.

Anxiety, panic attacks and fearCoping with Fear, Anxiety and Panic Attacks

Should a panic attack occur it’s vital to remember to breathe deeply (from the abdomen). This helps reduces stress levels, to change our focus and grounds us in our bodies. Deep breathing helps us become more mindful too. Using EFT (like this short exercise) is incredibly helpful too.

Help is Available

I offer a free 15-20 minute phone/online chat if you’d like to connect with me in person before taking the step or booking an appointment to free yourself from your debilitating fear, anxiety and panic.

I’ll also be facilitating a new series of one day workshops. The next one is on June 10th in Douglas, Cork, Ireland. It will share a number of potent tools to help you overcome anxiety, panic attacks and fear. You’ll also experience calming relaxation and meditation techniques. Read more about the freedom from Anxiety & Fear workshop here. To book your place on this forthcoming Freedom from Anxiety & Fear workshop click here.

I also facilitate weekend experiences. Feel free to check out the details of the next Weekend here. Held in the beautiful grounds of the Liss Ard Estate in the Lake Lodge in West Cork, Ireland the weekend takes place on 12th & 13th August 2017. Read more here or book your place here. A limited number of early-bird places remain.

Be Prepared for Change

There will be opportunities in your private consultation, or during the seminar and/or over the course of the weekend to release yourself from the grip of fear, panic and anxiety and finally eliminate what is no longer essential to your health, well-being and happiness. The more you release, the more you are free to achieve your potential and reconnect to your real Self.

Anxiety, panic attacks and fear with Michelle A. Hardwick
Michelle A. Hardwick

You’re not alone

Remember you are not alone, you don’t have to struggle with your fear, anxiety or panic.
Check out this video clip – shows how powerful having someone there is

Contact Me

To begin your journey of self-discovery and release your anxiety, fear or panic contact me by email or by phone:
Ireland – 0871492338 or in the UK – 07857369619. Alternatively contact me by email.

Consultations for anxiety, panic attacks and fear are also available in Cork City at the Natural Clinic.
Book a consultation at the Natural clinic, here or call Reception on (00353) 21 4311977

Meditation

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Meditation

Meditation can take many forms. Years ago (in my youth), I thought that there was just one style – like all the photos I’d seen – with people sitting cross-legged, wearing robes, chanting Om. I’d decided that that, wasn’t for me. To be honest, I was also constantly moving, running through my life, so I definitely wasn’t the type of person who could sit still for long periods of time, nor do that thing with my legs. Back then, I was terrified of anything remotely “woo-woo” i.e. weird/religious/or ‘out there’ – all of that stuff frightened me to death. I was sure I’d end up joining a cult, being whisked away and never seeing my family again. Those limiting beliefs stayed with me until…I had a marriage break-up. Oh boy.

That was big.

After that experience, I knew I needed to change. I couldn’t continue living my life the way I had been. I knew I would have to do something completely different. I decided to take myself away on a silent meditation retreat up on the beautiful Banks Peninsula on the outskirts of Christchurch, New Zealand. Terrified I booked myself in, wondering what on earth I would discover. I drove there and parked my car. The silence where the retreat was held, was breath-taking. I joined the group gathered and after our introductions, we were told how the weekend would go. It all seemed fairly ‘normal’ to me. After supper, we were invited to sit and breathe. ‘Yes’, I thought, ‘I can do that’. And I did. Meditation with Michelle A. Hardwick

At the end of that experience, the facilitator introduced us to the poet Rumi. No-one spoke as he read a poem. It was magical. The poem, Rumi and that profound moment has stayed with me for over 14 years now- check it out (eyes right!)…

Walking Meditation

During that weekend we were also introduced to the simplicity of a walking meditation. I learned I didn’t have to sit cross-legged the entire weekend. I could walk and meditate at the same time. WOW. No more sitting still nor battling my mind? Bliss.

So I tried it. I slowed my breathing down as was taught, took slow steps along the path. I attempted to be very mindful of where I placed my feet, the steps I took, the path I walked, the stones beside the path, the grass growing up through the cracks in the path and that profound silence. It was a very powerful experience for me.

Guided Meditation

Years on from that incredible weekend in New Zealand, I now facilitate guided meditations. A guided meditation is a style that suits me well and I love sharing. It’s where I invite you to sit still (yes, I’ve even learned how to do it too), breathe and follow a process. The experience is easy to follow. Guided meditation is suitable for you if your mind is busy, or if you are new to meditation. It’s easier than battling your thoughts.  It can help you begin to feel calm, relaxed or refreshed. It can take place one-to-one, with others, in small or large groups or during my weekend experiences held in Ireland and around the world.

Guided Meditation with Michelle A. HardwickMeditation Style

Know that there are countless different styles of meditation and ways to meditate. What’s important is to try different ones and find the style that best suits you.  You can meditate while stirring the soup, in the shower or even waiting at the traffic lights. So… to start with, keep it simple. The Master Eckhart Tolle says:

One conscious breath – in and out – is a meditation.

Benefits of Meditation

After my weekend experience, I loved going for mindful walks with my dog and meditating. It was (and still is) a way of reconnecting to myself, taking some time out. It allowed me space to regroup after my day at the office. Try it, stick to it – your mind and body will thank you for it. There are countless articles and research papers that prove the benefits of meditation. Here are some areas you can change through the use of regular meditation:

  • Emotions – reduce stress, anxiety, increase confidence.
  • Heart – feel more balanced, compassionate, connected, optimistic, joyful.
  • Brain – train your brain, transform your mind, improve brain function.
  • Body – increase immunity, prevent disease, reduce ageing.
  • Sleep – lower heart rate, reduce blood pressure, gain restful sleep.

Michelle A. HardwickFree Experience

At the end of this month, I will be facilitating an event, a free Guided Meditation Experience in Cork at the Maryborough Hotel and Spa. You are very welcome to join us.

Earlier this year I gave different talk at the Spa. The talk included a guided meditation. Here’s what one person very kindly messaged me afterwards:

I really enjoyed your talk on Thursday night. Much more than I expected. I fell asleep twice during the meditation, I was aware of your voice but nodded off twice, then fell asleep on the chair when I got home, then slept like a log all night.

Feel free to call the Spa on 021 4918 350 or email spa@maryborough.ie to register your place or contact me if you have any questions.

Millions of people all over the world meditate – come, experience it for yourself. 

Moving House

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Moving House with Michelle A. HardwickMoving House

We’re currently in the process of moving house. It’s the reason why there have been no posts from me – until now.

Moving house represents a massive period of change for everyone – adults, children, pets and even plants. The UK’s Daily Telegraph shared an article about Moving House written by Eimear O’Hagan  stating that “in a recent poll, two thirds of people voted moving house top of their stress list, with it triggering more anxiety than relationship breakdowns, divorce and starting a new job.”

I agree. We’re not only having to cope with numerous factors that are out of our control e.g. probate timing, solicitors’ and land agents timing; but we have to juggle work commitments and make sure our basic needs are met – such as eating and sleeping. In addition, there is a whole process of going through our treasures or “stuff” ( and realizing just how much we’ve collected/hoarded in a short space of time!). Finally we have to then decide what to let go of – and what to keep. The final stages are packing/unpacking and finding new places for everything! Here’s a handy checklist to help you too. The whole experience can be massively unsettling for anyone. No matter how many times you’ve done it or how mindful you are.

Stay Grounded While Moving House

Having everything everywhere creates a feeling of being displaced and ungrounded. My partner and I have moved a few times already, so I decided to go about this move differently.
Firstly as soon as I heard the news that our offer had been accepted, I got busy in the kitchen making loads of meals and putting them in the freezer ready for us to take out defrost and reheat. In the past I’d turned to fast food to get us through – which was neither satisfying nor nutritious. This time, I bought partially ready-made superfoods like quinoa, lentils, gluten free pasta, frozen vegetables too that could be made into or added to meals quickly. I made sure I drank plenty of fresh, pure, filtered water. As much as I could, I took a short walk out in nature each morning.

Moving House and Keeping Balance

Keeping  balance while moving house can be tricky. Be mindful that this such a massive process of change. Coupled with the above, I scheduled myself into my own diary to have a treatment of reflexology. (If I’m not balanced – then the consequences are disastrous for everyone!) Reflexology helps me relax and come back to my centre. Even then with everything that was going on, it wasn’t always easy and there were still times when I felt overwhelmed. When that happened I would tap (using EFT).

When I felt myself tense up I would do some deep breathing. (The best way to do this is to have big sighs as you breathe out. Lift your shoulders up as you breathe in and drop them as your breath out). If worst came to worst, I’d take myself off and go to bed early.

Mindfully Moving House

Moving House with Michelle A. HardwickMindfully moving house is important. Making sure our bodies are nurtured is just one part. Do all you can to remain mindful and aware that this process is a journey. Trust that all will work out perfectly, as it is meant to.

And of course, it does.

I am still incredibly grateful and in awe of how quickly and magically everything came together. What usually takes months – even a year in some cases, took us 2 months from signing to moving.

We also found what we needed for the house, when we needed it. We are still unpacking and our ‘nest’ is still unfolding. I am humbled at how supported we’ve been.

More blogs coming soon!

Healing Codependency

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Codependency – What is it?

Codependency

Codependency is a term used for people who have a tendency to be involved in dysfunctional relationships. They set up negative patterns where the needs and behaviours of their loved ones are more important than their own. As you might expect, codependent patterns increase levels of stress, frustration, irritation, anger and anxiety.

Codependency – Difficulty in Early Childhood

According to Weinhold & Weinhold “codependency is a failure to complete one or more of the important developmental tasks of early childhood. Individuals who do not complete a variety of stages and processes become developmentally delayed at a personal level. This prevents them from creating not only healthy couple, family relationships but also healthy organisations, cultures and nation-states.

Sympthoms of Codependency

Common symptoms of codependency are:

  • Feeling trapped in abusive, controlling relationships
  • Having low self-esteem
  • CodependencyNeeding approval /support from others in order to feel good about yourself
  • Feeling powerless to change destructive relationships
  • Needing some other outside stimulation to distract from your feelings e.g. alcohol, food, work, sex etc.
  • Feeling like a martyr, helpless, using guilt to manipulate
  • Being a people pleaser
  • Having poor or weak boundaries
  • Inability to experience true intimacy and love
  • Lack of trust, perfectionism, operating in the extremes
  • Caretaking, obsession
  • Depression, compulsive lying, compulsive talking
  • Controlling others through manipulation, threatening, coerciveness and/or constant advice giving…”

People who are codependent often also fear abandonment and rejection. But what they don’t realise is that they actually abandon and reject themselves.

Healing Codependency

It IS possible to heal codependency. We first need to heal our relationship with ourselves. When I began healing my own codependent tendencies, I found that a lot of my difficulties stemmed from childhood. I began healing there.

Now whenever my clients want to become free from codependent patterns, I use a similar process. We typically release challenges from their past – either through Regression or the Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT), we also change emotions and behaviours by using Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP). If my clients are really committed to change their lives, at the end of our time together I usually suggest they go on to heal their primitive reflexes, as I did. All of this is deep, inner work, however using this combination of tools will help make lasting change and is a very empowering process.

Being in-dependent is all about strengthening and healing you. It is not about changing anyone else.

Freedom of Codependency

Breaking free from CodependencyWhen clients are free from codependent behaviours they begin to take responsibility for their actions, feelings, behaviours and life. They meet their own needs. They are able to say no and set appropriate boundaries. They have self-esteem, self-acceptance, self-belief and self-love. They feel IN – dependence instead of CO-dependence.

One client recently wrote to me saying:
“I had a feeling this way of change was for me. I need to let you know that since our session yesterday something in me has shifted. I don’t know what – but I feel alive! I have this most beautiful feeling of peace and for that I thank you most sincerely”.

Michelle A. Hardwick
Michelle A. Hardwick

Contact

To free yourself from your codependent tendencies contact Michelle A. Hardwick for a consultation either in person in the UK: Phone – 07857369619 or in Ireland: Phone – 0871492338. Alternatively contact Michelle here to book your consultation via Skype.

Resources

Breaking Free of the Codependent Trap Weinhold & Weinhold