EFT

Our Ego

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Understanding our ego with Michelle A. HardwickUnderstanding Our Ego

In many spiritual traditions our ego is seen as the false self. It’s the mask we wear in certain situations with particular people (or groups of people); or the role we ‘play’ in our lives. It is an illusion, a mirage. Often we get caught in this false, made-up ‘self-image.’ However as we peel back the layers of who we are not, we no longer need to play ‘roles’ in our lives. Instead we begin to become our real, authentic selves – who we truly are.

Lower Mind

Our ego is connected to our lower rather than our higher mind. It is our head not our heart. Esoteric Science states:

“It keeps us on autopilot; it keeps us half asleep and most of its programs (our beliefs, strategies, thought patterns, emotional reactions and automated behaviours) were initially programmed when we were very young, so many of our reactions to life are immature and inappropriate. Some of our programs were updated and re-written as we became older and more experienced, but the deeper ones were created by and created from a very young, naive, immature and inexperienced consciousness. These old patterns are responsible for most of the unnecessary suffering in our lives, but our fear of venturing into the depths of our being allows our immature core (inner child) to endure and our unnecessary suffering to continue.”

I agree.
Let’s explore some of these statements:

Understanding our ego with Michelle A. HardwickAutopilot

It “keeps us on autopilot; half asleep” – most of our self-sabotaging behaviour (known in EFT as a Psychological Reversal) stems from our ego. It does not want to move out of it’s comfort zone – even though it can be painful to remain there. Our ego resists, hates change and will fight to keep the status quo. If there is any way our ego can halt our Soul from making changes, evolving or progressing, it will. Our ego will continue to do things as it has always done, it gets what it wants by doing it that way. The ego does not want to take responsibility for itself nor have us take command of our lives, it’s too scary to change.

Reactions to Life

“Many of our immature and inappropriate ‘reactions’ in life” are from our ego. A lot of our reactions are similar to those of a small child. I’m sure you’ve witnessed this, where the ego becomes furious, shouts, cries, lies, attempts to cover up and/or defend itself. Yet the difference between adults and small children is that children are simply be-ing in the moment. As soon as the moment has passed, their attention is diverted, the reaction is forgotten and their focus is on something else. Yet adults can stew over an event, become bitter, resentful, feel justified in their behaviour, doggedly resistant to giving any apology for a reaction.

Updating Programmes

“Some of our programs were updated and re-written as we became older” – absolutely.  Programmes that no longer serve us become extinct as we add new truths or understandings. Think for a moment of the concept of the Easter Bunny or Father Christmas. We believed them as children, and now we don’t. Any outdated belief can be changed if we are ready to change and take responsibility.

Deeper Beliefs

The “deeper ones”/beliefs are often connected with emotions or feelings that are reinforced over time. Our ego collects ‘proof’ about them. It fabricates why we need them or why we can’t (or won’t) change them. We need to excavate a little deeper within the subconscious to discover the roots of these beliefs and their secondary gains either with EFT and Hypnotherapy. Often there can be nervousness around “venturing into the depths of our being” and becoming aware of our ego – for fear of what we might uncover. But nothing bad will surface only our judgement of ourselves. Our ego is not who we truly are, it’s not our truth…we are so much more than our ego. So much bigger, more amazing and more powerful than our ego would allow or have us believe. What we discover is our real self. It’s a very empowering process.

Suffering

Those with a healthy egos endure a lot of “unnecessary suffering”. Their thinking is usually that they are ‘right’ and the other person is ‘wrong’. The ego needs to be in control and so it tries to get power from the other person in order to feel powerful. At the core of our ego is insecurity, anxiety and fear. But when we are balanced, centered and calm we respond to situations and are in command of our thoughts, feelings and emotions. We don’t suffer as much. Life becomes easier.

Becoming Aware

We can identify our ego by following the trail of reactions in our lives. Understanding our ego with Michelle A. Hardwick

Remember a time when you exploded over something that another person felt was seemingly small and insignificant. Reflect on that event. Check to see whether your reaction was a bit too “over the top” for what occurred.  Instead of blaming the other person and/or the drama, think why your ego reacted. What was the belief that caused the explosion? Ask yourself honestly does that belief still serve you? Is it outdated? Here are a few ways our ego shows itself:

  • it takes things personally,
  • feels attacked wants revenge,
  • won’t/can’t forgive,
  • can’t sleep and becomes unwell,
  • remains a victim, renders itself powerless,
  • overthinks, becomes self-obsessed,
  • judges the other person/people and their behaviour.

Einstein wrote:

“The more the Knowledge
Lesser the Ego

Lesser the Knowledge
More the Ego”

Michelle A. HardwickContact Me

Are you ready to break free from the limitations of your ego? If you are, then contact me by email or by phone:
Ireland – 0871492338 or in the UK – 07857369619. Alternatively contact me by email.
If you’d like to explore more – I offer Skype and Zoom consultations, all from the comfort of your own home.

Consultations are also available in Cork City at the Natural Clinic.
Book a consultation at the Natural clinic, here or call Reception on (00353) 21 4311977

Begin your journey of self-discovery and reconnect to your powerful, real, true, authentic Self now!

Addiction

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Addiction

Addiction with Michelle A. HardwickAddiction seems to be a recurring theme in my office lately. August and so far the start of September, have been all about addictions. Those who came to see me were looking for help to overcome an addiction of some sort.

When a spate of people arrive in my office like this, it gives me chance to reflect again on what else I still carry about that particular topic (despite already having done enormous amounts of excavation work around it).
On reflection I was surprised to discover how much time I am on Facebook, my ‘non-stop-over-scheduling-work-ethic’, the need to be right/perfect/not make mistakes. Certainly food for thought – and a bit more work left to do for me.

Addiction Article

So as I considered this spate of people – a wonderful colleague and friend based in Malaysia Monika Wyss – shared an article about Addiction, prompting me to write this post.

Escape from Pain

What is clear from the article is that one of the aspects contributing to addiction is the need to escape from our pain – whether that be inside our minds, our past, from life, living, other people or ourselves. That pain we are attempting to escape from is usually unprocessed and in our past. (NB: There are numerous reasons for addiction, however in my post today, I’ll just be focusing in general, on this topic of pain).

Self-Discovery

Many years ago, I read a book written by Robin Norwood titled “Women who Love too Much”. Reading this was a turning point for me. Norwood highlighted that I really did have a problem. (Ok… I’m being modest here – not just one problem – there were loads of them). Addiction with Michelle A. HardwickHer book woke me up from my ‘Denial Slumber’. I realized a lot about my struggles and the painful past I carried. My usual patterns of running, traveling to another country, beginning another relationship doomed for failure, would no longer work. I could no longer ignore, deny or numb my pain. I knew I had to do something, to take responsibility, confront, process and more importantly CHANGE.

As I continued my journey, I began studying Neurolinguistic Programming and then the Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT). Two very potent therapies for me. They began to change my life for the better, helping me address and release a lot of ‘my painful stuff’. Since that time, I have spent what feels like an entire life time growing, addressing, processing and releasing my past. I have learnt a lot. Now I help others do the same – albeit in a shorter space of time!

Reclaiming our Power

Together, we look at what caused the pain. Often, there’s fear and a belief that the past will be painful to revisit, yet it doesn’t have to be that way. For me, going back to the past is a way to reconnect to our power. It gives us a chance to reclaim and heal a wounded part of ourselves, a part left in the past. It’s the part of us that when triggered, (and we all have been at some stage or other) – reacts, shouts, screams, roars and even becomes abusive. It’s the younger part of ourselves that’s been alone, fighting an inner battle since the pain first occurred.

Part of my work also entails letting go of judgments we make about ourselves (as well as other people) so we can free ourselves from shame, blame, pain and/or guilt. We get to revisit and process what happened through the eyes of the adult we now are, rather than the child we once were. We get to forgive ourselves, to set ourselves free from the prison we’ve been keeping ourselves in, and reconnect to our truth – not who we thought we were, nor who we have been told to be – but to the truth of who we really are.

A powerful journey indeed.

Changing an Addiction

Addiction Michelle A. HardwickI am humbled, when I consider the amount of courage it takes for someone to come to my office. Only when people really have had enough of their addiction, are they ready for change. It takes courage to acknowledge there is a problem, and take responsibility for it. It’s scary to contact someone to work with. Then take that next big step to book an appointment. Finally and probably the biggest achievement of all, is to turn up and make a start.

Addiction Insight

Once in my office we discuss the addiction, explore addiction triggers, release and clear away numerous issues/fears/pains/traumas that contribute to the addiction. Often we need to uncover (or rather dis-cover) more about the past using our subconscious, the deeper mind, through regression.  We travel back in time to the origin of the problem and explore the Emotional Drivers that drive the addiction.

This is a wonderfully insightful process that brings forward powerful, lost, and incredibly vital wisdom to help support change.

Freedom

Armed with new understanding about our past, the pain can be fully released and our perception changes. The final step is to re-programme the mind and strengthen the Self with positive suggestions around connection, self-esteem, confidence, safety, security. The time it takes for this process depends a lot on what occurred and what we discover. The joy and honour for me is being allowed to be a part of such a profound journey of self-discovery and be a witness as the client frees themselves from their past and reclaims their own freedom.

Help is Available

Addiction and Michelle A. Hardwick
Michelle A. Hardwick

I offer a free 15-20 minute phone/online chat if you’d like to connect with me in person before taking the step or booking an appointment.

I also facilitate weekend experiences. Two of the numerous topics covered in the next Weekend are addiction and self-esteem. Held in the beautiful grounds of the Liss Ard Estate in the Lake Lodge in West Cork, Ireland the weekend takes place on 24th & 25th September. Read more here or book your place here. A limited number of places remain.

Contact Me

To begin your journey of self-discovery contact me by phone:
Ireland – 0871492338 or in the UK – 07857369619. Alternatively contact me by email.

Consultations are also available in Cork City at the Natural Clinic. Book a consultation at the Natural clinic, here or call Reception on (00353) 21 4311977

Self-esteem

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Self-esteem

Self-esteem with Michelle A. Hardwick

Self-esteem, self-worth and confidence are formed during the early years of life from birth to about 5 years old. This is when the foundation of our Self is built. If the parents are supportive, encourage and praise their child, then self-esteem will be high. If this doesn’t happen or something upsetting occurs in those early years, then the childs’ self-esteem will be compromised. The child becomes needy, clingy, will feel insecure, people-please and constantly try to prove that they are better than others.

What is Self-esteem?

According to the Health of Children self-esteem is an “important component of emotional health and encompasses both self-confidence and self-acceptance. It is the way individuals perceive themselves and their self-value. With low self-esteem children have a difficult time dealing with problems, are overly self-critical, and can become passive, withdrawn, and depressed. They may hesitate to try new things, may speak negatively about themselves, are easily frustrated, and often see temporary problems as permanent conditions. They are pessimistic about themselves and their life.”

I agree. This statement about self-esteem doesn’t only speak of our children, grandchildren, nieces or nephews – but of our own child Self.

How is your child Self doing?
Have you ever thought about him/her?
Do you know if he/she is happy?

When situations trigger us or when our child Self is threatened, he/she can have a ‘tantrum’; try to sabotage or stop things from happening.
Our adult Self responds to new situations but our insecure child Self reacts. That means he/she really is afraid and is shouting to be heard.

“Low self-esteem is like driving through life with your hand-break on.”
Maxwell Maltz

Hand-Brake

Self-esteem with Michelle A. HardwickSo it’s our child Self that pulls on our hand-brake. We are forced to an abrupt and often painful halt. Imagine this:
Every day your adult Self revs the engine, tries to move forward in life. The harder your adult Self tries, the more you stay in the same place with your wheels spinning! Your child Self has its’ hand firmly on the hand brake. Our adult Self becomes frustrated, angry, jealous, resentful, irritated – and worse still depressed, suicidal and powerless. All because our child Self has low self-esteem and doesn’t feel safe.

Challenges in Later Life

As we grow older cracks start to appear and problems surface. Low self-esteem underpins a number of behaviours – not only those stated above, but also addictions of all kinds, relationship difficulties, insomnia and low levels of energy are linked to low self-esteem. If the self-esteem issue is left unresolved, it’s possible that the adult can get to a point where they just don’t want to be here, they feel negative about the world, have numerous failed relationships, experience sadness, loneliness and don’t feel as though they belong on this planet.

Begin to Treat Yourself

Self-esteem with Michelle A. Hardwick

Fortunately, it is possible to change low self-esteem. One of the easier things you can start to do is spend time thinking of how you might like to spoil yourself every now and then. Do things that you don’t do often for yourself. For example, it could be a walk on the beach or in a forest; having a gentle relaxing massage; getting your nails manicured or taking a warm, scented bath (and maybe even risk putting a few rose petals into the bathwater. Take a chance – you never know, you might enjoy it!).
Whatever you decide to do, commit yourself to it – mark it in your calendar and book yourself in! Get excited about it. Have fun and enjoy the experience. Remember that you are a Very Important Person. The more you appreciate the gift you give to yourself, the more you start to realize its value. This can help you begin to appreciate your own self-worth and value.

Process your Past

To go a step further in addressing your self-esteem challenge, and consider having a one-on-one consultation. This might seem scary and daunting. But think about it for a moment…what’s the worst that could happen?
You might peel back a few layers of who you are not, release the hand-brake and uncover who you really, truly are – your amazing Self.

Carl Jung said
“the most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely.”

Self-esteem with Michelle A. Hardwick

Weekend Experiences in West Cork, Ireland

So if you’d like to take a bigger step and begin the process of accepting yourself, then consider doing different. Spend a weekend away in the beautiful grounds of the Liss Ard Estate Lake Lodge in West Cork, Ireland on 24th & 25th September 2016 from 10am-6pm (both days). Michelle will be facilitating a life-changing weekend with a small group of like-minded people called The Wonder of the Soul. This weekend will help you

  • understand yourself more
  • increase your self-esteem and confidence
  • take to look your roots and
  • heal those early years

Read and print out a copy of the Wonder of the Soul Weekend One here

Limited Early Bird Rates!

There are a limited number of early bird special rates still available for this weekend. If you love a bargain, the cost of the weekend is €209 per person/shared accommodation. But you’ll need to act fast – there are only a few places left! Once they are gone, they are gone!

After that the standard price is €250 per person/shared accommodation. If you prefer to have your own single room the fee is €330 Euro per person/per room. Discover more details here. If you are spontaneous, go ahead and book now!  And if all this hasn’t whet your appetite – take a peek at some of the very kind testimonials received from participants about our previous weekends here.

Self-esteem & confidence…or… Insecure & unhappy?     It’s your choice

Contact MichelleMichelle A. Hardwick

So if you, or someone you know is ready to begin to grow their self-esteem and make positive changes in their life, contact Michelle A. Hardwick for a personal consultation  either in person or via Skype.

Michelle also offers consultations in Cork City at the Natural Clinic, to book a consultation with Michelle online at the clinic click here or call 021 4311977.

Resources

Healing Codependency

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Codependency – What is it?

Codependency

Codependency is a term used for people who have a tendency to be involved in dysfunctional relationships. They set up negative patterns where the needs and behaviours of their loved ones are more important than their own. As you might expect, codependent patterns increase levels of stress, frustration, irritation, anger and anxiety.

Codependency – Difficulty in Early Childhood

According to Weinhold & Weinhold “codependency is a failure to complete one or more of the important developmental tasks of early childhood. Individuals who do not complete a variety of stages and processes become developmentally delayed at a personal level. This prevents them from creating not only healthy couple, family relationships but also healthy organisations, cultures and nation-states.

Sympthoms of Codependency

Common symptoms of codependency are:

  • Feeling trapped in abusive, controlling relationships
  • Having low self-esteem
  • CodependencyNeeding approval /support from others in order to feel good about yourself
  • Feeling powerless to change destructive relationships
  • Needing some other outside stimulation to distract from your feelings e.g. alcohol, food, work, sex etc.
  • Feeling like a martyr, helpless, using guilt to manipulate
  • Being a people pleaser
  • Having poor or weak boundaries
  • Inability to experience true intimacy and love
  • Lack of trust, perfectionism, operating in the extremes
  • Caretaking, obsession
  • Depression, compulsive lying, compulsive talking
  • Controlling others through manipulation, threatening, coerciveness and/or constant advice giving…”

People who are codependent often also fear abandonment and rejection. But what they don’t realise is that they actually abandon and reject themselves.

Healing Codependency

It IS possible to heal codependency. We first need to heal our relationship with ourselves. When I began healing my own codependent tendencies, I found that a lot of my difficulties stemmed from childhood. I began healing there.

Now whenever my clients want to become free from codependent patterns, I use a similar process. We typically release challenges from their past – either through Regression or the Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT), we also change emotions and behaviours by using Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP). If my clients are really committed to change their lives, at the end of our time together I usually suggest they go on to heal their primitive reflexes, as I did. All of this is deep, inner work, however using this combination of tools will help make lasting change and is a very empowering process.

Being in-dependent is all about strengthening and healing you. It is not about changing anyone else.

Freedom of Codependency

Breaking free from CodependencyWhen clients are free from codependent behaviours they begin to take responsibility for their actions, feelings, behaviours and life. They meet their own needs. They are able to say no and set appropriate boundaries. They have self-esteem, self-acceptance, self-belief and self-love. They feel IN – dependence instead of CO-dependence.

One client recently wrote to me saying:
“I had a feeling this way of change was for me. I need to let you know that since our session yesterday something in me has shifted. I don’t know what – but I feel alive! I have this most beautiful feeling of peace and for that I thank you most sincerely”.

Michelle A. Hardwick
Michelle A. Hardwick

Contact

To free yourself from your codependent tendencies contact Michelle A. Hardwick for a consultation either in person in the UK: Phone – 07857369619 or in Ireland: Phone – 0871492338. Alternatively contact Michelle here to book your consultation via Skype.

Resources

Breaking Free of the Codependent Trap Weinhold & Weinhold