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Self-esteem

Self-esteem

Self-esteem with Michelle A. Hardwick

Self-esteem, self-worth and confidence are formed during the early years of life from birth to about 5 years old. This is when the foundation of our Self is built. If the parents are supportive, encourage and praise their child, then self-esteem will be high. If this doesn’t happen or something upsetting occurs in those early years, then the childs’ self-esteem will be compromised. The child becomes needy, clingy, will feel insecure, people-please and constantly try to prove that they are better than others.

What is Self-esteem?

According to the Health of Children self-esteem is an “important component of emotional health and encompasses both self-confidence and self-acceptance. It is the way individuals perceive themselves and their self-value. With low self-esteem children have a difficult time dealing with problems, are overly self-critical, and can become passive, withdrawn, and depressed. They may hesitate to try new things, may speak negatively about themselves, are easily frustrated, and often see temporary problems as permanent conditions. They are pessimistic about themselves and their life.”

I agree. This statement about self-esteem doesn’t only speak of our children, grandchildren, nieces or nephews – but of our own child Self.

How is your child Self doing?
Have you ever thought about him/her?
Do you know if he/she is happy?

When situations trigger us or when our child Self is threatened, he/she can have a ‘tantrum’; try to sabotage or stop things from happening.
Our adult Self responds to new situations but our insecure child Self reacts. That means he/she really is afraid and is shouting to be heard.

“Low self-esteem is like driving through life with your hand-break on.”
Maxwell Maltz

Hand-Brake

Self-esteem with Michelle A. HardwickSo it’s our child Self that pulls on our hand-brake. We are forced to an abrupt and often painful halt. Imagine this:
Every day your adult Self revs the engine, tries to move forward in life. The harder your adult Self tries, the more you stay in the same place with your wheels spinning! Your child Self has its’ hand firmly on the hand brake. Our adult Self becomes frustrated, angry, jealous, resentful, irritated – and worse still depressed, suicidal and powerless. All because our child Self has low self-esteem and doesn’t feel safe.

Challenges in Later Life

As we grow older cracks start to appear and problems surface. Low self-esteem underpins a number of behaviours – not only those stated above, but also addictions of all kinds, relationship difficulties, insomnia and low levels of energy are linked to low self-esteem. If the self-esteem issue is left unresolved, it’s possible that the adult can get to a point where they just don’t want to be here, they feel negative about the world, have numerous failed relationships, experience sadness, loneliness and don’t feel as though they belong on this planet.

Begin to Treat Yourself

Self-esteem with Michelle A. Hardwick

Fortunately, it is possible to change low self-esteem. One of the easier things you can start to do is spend time thinking of how you might like to spoil yourself every now and then. Do things that you don’t do often for yourself. For example, it could be a walk on the beach or in a forest; having a gentle relaxing massage; getting your nails manicured or taking a warm, scented bath (and maybe even risk putting a few rose petals into the bathwater. Take a chance – you never know, you might enjoy it!).
Whatever you decide to do, commit yourself to it – mark it in your calendar and book yourself in! Get excited about it. Have fun and enjoy the experience. Remember that you are a Very Important Person. The more you appreciate the gift you give to yourself, the more you start to realize its value. This can help you begin to appreciate your own self-worth and value.

Process your Past

To go a step further in addressing your self-esteem challenge, and consider having a one-on-one consultation. This might seem scary and daunting. But think about it for a moment…what’s the worst that could happen?
You might peel back a few layers of who you are not, release the hand-brake and uncover who you really, truly are – your amazing Self.

Carl Jung said
“the most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely.”

Self-esteem with Michelle A. Hardwick

Weekend Experiences in West Cork, Ireland

So if you’d like to take a bigger step and begin the process of accepting yourself, then consider doing different. Spend a weekend away in the beautiful grounds of the Liss Ard Estate Lake Lodge in West Cork, Ireland on 24th & 25th September 2016 from 10am-6pm (both days). Michelle will be facilitating a life-changing weekend with a small group of like-minded people called The Wonder of the Soul. This weekend will help you

  • understand yourself more
  • increase your self-esteem and confidence
  • take to look your roots and
  • heal those early years

Read and print out a copy of the Wonder of the Soul Weekend One here

Limited Early Bird Rates!

There are a limited number of early bird special rates still available for this weekend. If you love a bargain, the cost of the weekend is €209 per person/shared accommodation. But you’ll need to act fast – there are only a few places left! Once they are gone, they are gone!

After that the standard price is €250 per person/shared accommodation. If you prefer to have your own single room the fee is €330 Euro per person/per room. Discover more details here. If you are spontaneous, go ahead and book now!  And if all this hasn’t whet your appetite – take a peek at some of the very kind testimonials received from participants about our previous weekends here.

Self-esteem & confidence…or… Insecure & unhappy?     It’s your choice

Contact MichelleMichelle A. Hardwick

So if you, or someone you know is ready to begin to grow their self-esteem and make positive changes in their life, contact Michelle A. Hardwick for a personal consultation  either in person or via Skype.

Michelle also offers consultations in Cork City at the Natural Clinic, to book a consultation with Michelle online at the clinic click here or call 021 4311977.

Resources

Insomnia

Insomnia

I have been meaning to write for a while about sleep and insomnia. So when I saw that the Guardian Newspaper recently ran a story about the former ‘Sex and the City’ star Kim Cattrall and her battle with insomnia, it spurned me into taking action. According to the Surrey Sleep Research Centre  “Sleep disorders are prevalent, with approximately 10 to 20 per cent of the European and US population reporting frequent sleep disruption.” That’s a lot of people awake at night. So what’s happening?

Insomnia and feeling Safe

We sleep best when we feel safe and content. Worrying e.g. about our difficulties at work, our relationships, things we have to get done tomorrow – won’t help us fall asleep. Worrying actually accelerates our brain sending our mind into overdrive, our body tenses up, we hold our breath and stress hormones are excreted. Instead of sleeping we prepare to ‘fight or flight’ and we therefore suffer from what is known as insomnia.

Frustration fuels Insomnia

Insomnia
Insomnia

The fight continues when we lie in bed for hours getting stressed and more annoyed with ourselves. We add salt to our wounds by watching the clock – calculating (still more brain stimulation) – how many hours we have left until we have to get up. When we wake the next day, we feel exhausted, irritated and annoyed. Instead of bouncing out of bed refreshed, we feel frustrated and tired. Then we use coffee, chocolate or sugary drinks to keep ourselves awake. We begin negatively programming our mind with statements like: “I won’t be able to sleep tonight”, “I’ll be awake all night just like last night” etc. etc. As night falls we start to worry more and again our levels of stress increase. This quickly becomes a pattern.

Insomnia and Stress

Our sleep is directly affected by stress. It is impossible to solve stress with stress. Feeling insecure creates stress, feeling secure naturally counteracts stress. What is also important is to be relaxed during the day, to change our beliefs and habits about sleep.

Switch Off & Relax

Try this simple exercise. It’s a great way to turn off the activity in your nervous system and relax for a brief moment:

Switching Off For a Moment – Turn your phone off for 5 minutes. Sit with your back upright and put both your feet on the floor. Take a deep breath (a deep one right down into your belly). Let your shoulders drop. Breathe deeply again. Focus on your jaw, part your jaw, relax your tongue and mouth. Continue to breathe deeply from your belly/abdomen for about 3 to 5 breaths and close your eyes. Just be still for a few more moments. Then open your eyes, have a sip of water…and notice how you feel. [Remember to turn your phone back on too].

Hypnotherapy and Insomnia

Changing Insomnia with Michelle A. Hardwick
Sleep like a baby

I have to admit I love my job. My passion is helping clients relax and let go of stress. During a consultation for insomnia we spend time discussing a variety of potent strategies to help clients prepare for sleep. Then together we create positive suggestions that are integrated into a tailor-made hypnotherapy MP3 recording to re-programme the mind away from insomnia towards sleeping deeply through the night. Changing a habit takes more than one day, so continued listening of this recording is essential. As with all new skills, be persistent – some people notice immediate relief, others after a week or more.

It is possible to change your mind, your sleep behaviour and patterns. If you struggle with insomnia are unable to get to sleep, or wake up regularly during the night, or are disturbed by someone snoring while you sleep, help is at hand.  Contact me to take your first step towards being able to sleep like a baby again!

Kind Feedback
My thanks to Jody (not her real name) for her kind feedback:
“I have had a huge shift in that I AM OFF MY SLEEP MEDS AFTER 1 and half yrs. I can’t describe the feeling of utter joy and empowerment I have since the last 2 days. It means so much to be finally in control of my life. That was the last piece of the puzzle I needed to fit in the ‘my empowerment series’. I can’t thank you enough.”

Change Insomnia Michelle A. Hardwick helps you Sleep Deeply
Michelle A. Hardwick

Contact

To free yourself from insomnia contact me Michelle A. Hardwick for a consultation either in person in the UK: Phone – 07857369619 or in Ireland: Phone – 0871492338.

Alternatively contact me, Michelle here to book your private consultation via Skype/Zoom.

 

Healing Codependency

Codependency – What is it?

Codependency

Codependency is a term used for people who have a tendency to be involved in dysfunctional relationships. They set up negative patterns where the needs and behaviours of their loved ones are more important than their own. As you might expect, codependent patterns increase levels of stress, frustration, irritation, anger and anxiety.

Codependency – Difficulty in Early Childhood

According to Weinhold & Weinhold “codependency is a failure to complete one or more of the important developmental tasks of early childhood. Individuals who do not complete a variety of stages and processes become developmentally delayed at a personal level. This prevents them from creating not only healthy couple, family relationships but also healthy organisations, cultures and nation-states.

Sympthoms of Codependency

Common symptoms of codependency are:

  • Feeling trapped in abusive, controlling relationships
  • Having low self-esteem
  • CodependencyNeeding approval /support from others in order to feel good about yourself
  • Feeling powerless to change destructive relationships
  • Needing some other outside stimulation to distract from your feelings e.g. alcohol, food, work, sex etc.
  • Feeling like a martyr, helpless, using guilt to manipulate
  • Being a people pleaser
  • Having poor or weak boundaries
  • Inability to experience true intimacy and love
  • Lack of trust, perfectionism, operating in the extremes
  • Caretaking, obsession
  • Depression, compulsive lying, compulsive talking
  • Controlling others through manipulation, threatening, coerciveness and/or constant advice giving…”

People who are codependent often also fear abandonment and rejection. But what they don’t realise is that they actually abandon and reject themselves.

Healing Codependency

It IS possible to heal codependency. We first need to heal our relationship with ourselves. When I began healing my own codependent tendencies, I found that a lot of my difficulties stemmed from childhood. I began healing there.

Now whenever my clients want to become free from codependent patterns, I use a similar process. We typically release challenges from their past – either through Regression or the Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT), we also change emotions and behaviours by using Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP). If my clients are really committed to change their lives, at the end of our time together I usually suggest they go on to heal their primitive reflexes, as I did. All of this is deep, inner work, however using this combination of tools will help make lasting change and is a very empowering process.

Being in-dependent is all about strengthening and healing you. It is not about changing anyone else.

Freedom of Codependency

Breaking free from CodependencyWhen clients are free from codependent behaviours they begin to take responsibility for their actions, feelings, behaviours and life. They meet their own needs. They are able to say no and set appropriate boundaries. They have self-esteem, self-acceptance, self-belief and self-love. They feel IN – dependence instead of CO-dependence.

One client recently wrote to me saying:
“I had a feeling this way of change was for me. I need to let you know that since our session yesterday something in me has shifted. I don’t know what – but I feel alive! I have this most beautiful feeling of peace and for that I thank you most sincerely”.

Michelle A. Hardwick
Michelle A. Hardwick

Contact

To free yourself from your codependent tendencies contact Michelle A. Hardwick for a consultation either in person in the UK: Phone – 07857369619 or in Ireland: Phone – 0871492338. Alternatively contact Michelle here to book your consultation via Skype.

Resources

Breaking Free of the Codependent Trap Weinhold & Weinhold